November 15th, 2009

Mask

An Open Letter To The Magical Pixie Dreamgirls Jared and I Met Tonight

Dear Katelyn and Allie, the magical pixie dreamgirls my husband and I met tonight on 3rd and Walnut;

Ladies, I just wanted to write to you to say that it was a delight to have you in our car. Our night was going well to begin with - we went to a birthday party, saw a play and then went to a club, but our night was absolutely MADE when we met you, magical pixie dreamgirls.

We are always up for adventure, so when we saw you waving your hands and pointing at us from the corner of 3rd and Walnut, we pulled over. We wondered if you were in trouble and needed assistance, you certantly looked like you might, with the way you were flagging us down, but truthfully, part of our reason for pulling over was that you are both so hot! Who in their right minds could resist two twenty something petite, athletic ladies, a blond and a brunette, in short dresses and little ballet flats.

Certainly not us.

When you asked for a ride for three blocks because Allie had left her credit card with the bartender, it was a small enough request, and we were glad to oblige. I must say that perhaps part of my reason for accepting you into our car (and our lives for the next 15 minutes) was that you said I was super hot, but there were other factors as well, magical pixie dreamgirls, among them your vivacious and energetic behavior, your repeated requests to hear what our favorite bands were, and the wafting and sweet smell of liquor that radiated off of both of you.

You asked us to take you three blocks, but you were so charming and you seemed to find us such characters, that you asked to be taken around the block again, not twice but three times, as you asked about our favorite bands. I was impressed by your knoweldge of bands, and Katelyn, I think it's adorable that your parents met because they were both on tour.

Allie, yes, it's true, I am a feminist. I'm amazed that you were able to tell that from the bands I like.

Katelyn, I want you in particular to know that I was very flattered and dare I say it. . .tempted by your offer to make out with me. While I'm sure my husband wouldn't have objected, I felt ackward at the proposition of making out with someone I just met, but you shouldn't take this as a rejection of your personal qualities, as you are quite attractive and charming.

I hope that both of you achieve your stated goals of:

1. Getting wasted.
2. Getting something to eat.
3. Getting fucked.

In whatever order you hope to achieve them.

It was delightful talking to you, and I'm glad you wanted to know enough about us that you asked us to take you around the block, not once or twice but three times. I hope you both got back to your hotel safely and that your travel back to NYC goes well. Katelyn, while your skirt was riding up in the car, your vagina was not hanging out, so no need to worry.

Thinking about our encounter, I find it doubtful that anyone we know will believe us when we tell them about you. I mean, who picks up two beautiful, intelligent women on the side of the road in Philadelphia, one of whom wants to make out, and then just drops them off again, but we know the truth, right? If you were a hallucination, or if you were summoned by magic, pixie dream girls, then I don't want to know. It was a delight to meet you. I hope that you both go on to have amazing lives.

Sincerely,

The couple in the black Civic who picked you up on 3rd and Walnut