“Goddamnit!” There is a cowl on my dining room table, and a pair of tights on the stairs, confirming my long held suspicions. My roommate is the cities Lantern, the Defender of Justice and Champion of the weak, Ala Bravado! “Gertrude! Woman! You get your ass down here right away!” Upstairs, the door opens, and my roommate stumbles out in her rumpled rabbit pajamas.
“What?” Her hair is a tangled net on one side of her head and sticking oily to the other side. I raise my voice, both in volume and octive.
“Goddamnit! Don’t you play games with me! You are the fucking Defender of Justice and you have been spending the rent money on tights.”
“What are you talking about?” I throw the tights at her and they slap her head ineffectually. She shrugs. “Yeah, purple tights, so what?” I point to the cowl. “Oh, well, that’s just. . .that’s a replica.”
“You know, I thought that it was a little weird that I’ve been kidnapped by Supervillans eight times, but you told me to trust you, you said you knew Ala Bravado, not that you WERE Ala Bravado. You made me feel like a dick for questioning you!”
“You were only kidnapped seven times, you can’t count the time that the twins kidnapped you twice.”
“Oh yes I can. I had to miss work because of those shits.”
“Dude, it’s 7AM, can we talk about this later?”
“No. Fuck you.” She stares at me. I stare at her.
“Yeah, well, so what. I’m Ala Bravado. So what?”
“Fly me to work.”
“You heard me. Put your underwear on the outside of your pants and fucking fly me to work.”
“You are an ass.”
“Yes. Yes, I am. And I know your secret identity, so do it.” She looks at my pointed finger and sighs.
“I am so wiping your memory.” She shrugs and I feel my jaw drop.
“Oh, goddamnit. Fuck you Gertrude! Fuck you!”