May 17th, 2004



I did not consume her out of malice. I had nothing for or against the girl. Our relationship, what is was, is over. She made me meals I had no interest in eating and cleaned a place to which I have no ties. I bought her for two bits of gold and used her to fuel myself. It’s a complex process, to continue my life, requiring a condensation of essential materials to create a substance that causes the recreation and unification of disparate cells.

I lie. My explaination is as far from the truth as if I said I sucked her innocence, or stole her youth, or took her soul. All wrong, yet of equal worth in metaphor.

It is only unethical if you cannot comprehend relative ethics. I am beyond the coded religions.

Before stars die they expand; burning wider and farther until they cannot breathe in the way they have always done. Having abandoned their simple conversion, they begin taking more elaborate steps to survive, until they are heavy shadows, a metaphor for the death of the universe. We live off their dead flesh. Our creators. Our martyrs.

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Suns have incomprehensible years of burning, millions of years to die and spawn trillions of little lives. If there are sacrifices we should honor then they are those of these star corpses.

But we do not honor the death that we so eagerly feed off of. We devower, and breed, and live and die and eat that again. Imagine the horror of our own Sol, watching us feast on such remains.

How frightened Stars must be, spinning away from each other, dots of blue light on the surface of an expanding balloon. All of them flying away from the birthplace of life. I wonder if they know they're fate, to be eaten, corpses spread between trillions of tiny, needful insects, whose final fate is to die and be consumed again.

I am bored.