I am 70% done 70% of the projects on my To-Do list.

At the beginning of the year, I wrote up a huge project list, a project list that I added to often. I finished about 30% of this list and worked on the other 70% until all of those projects were about 70% done. Two photo books, several short stories, a podcast, two articles, websites, one comic script, one role-playing game and the first draft of a novel. All of them, 70% done.

It's getting frustrating. And, of course, I have no one to be frustrated with except myself. It's not anyone else's fault except my own that I haven't actually buckled down and finished these projects. As many of you creative types might know, starting is easy - I've even managed to work past that whole "middle" hump - but now it get's to finishing, and something always comes up.

Here's the general template of how it happens - I'm sure many of you are familiar with this.

1. You start Project A - it's freakin' awesome! You are filled with the joy of the New Idea, and motivated with the delight of new project love.

2. You get to the middle of Project A - self doubt, questioning, boredom - but you persist because you are not a weenie, you can do this!

3. Ah! You are almost finished - nearly there, just need the last final push!

4. You need to go see your mother, because it's been a month since you had dinner with her.

5. Your friend just had a baby! Let's go poke it. Aww. Is cute.

6. Carl and Anna's wedding is coming up - where is your gift? Crap! Get on it!

7. Have dinner with Steve - complain about art projects - Steve tells you about this thing he wants to do, Project B? You guys should totally work together on it because he knows this editor and it might get published and it will be awesome. Of course, you agree - I just need to finish Project A first. He says, alright, but remember, Project B will be due in a month. Oh, you say, well, I guess I need to work on that then.

8. DO YOU HAVE THAT THING FOR THE SHOW YOU SAID YOU WOULD HAVE THREE MONTHS AGO OhMyGod IT'S DUE ON FRIDAY GET WITH IT!

9. Go to the show in a blue wig. Meet really cool people. Think about Project A - this weekend, you tell yourself.

10. Realize that you live like a cave-woman. Do the dishes. Wash underpants.

11. Go to Carl and Anna's wedding. It's beautiful. Makes you cry. Write notes on a really nice napkin for Project A during the reception.

12. Lose the napkin.

13. Steve comes by. He lives close now and can check in on you whenever he likes. He asks "How is work going on Project B?" "Haha." you say. "I have lots of ideas!" There is some drinking.

14. Start work on Project B. It's so awesome. You are filled with the joy of the New Idea, and motivated with the delight of new project love.

This is not to say that I haven't finished things this year. I have. Her Side, two art shows, a photo project for a book in collaboration with other artists, shooting a wedding, an article, a few short stories, two book covers and participation in a collaborative photo project which will be appearing in an art show soon. Very exciting stuff. But there is so much more.

I can see the problems here. One, is that I love doing all kinds of things, and really, to get stuff done, one needs to focus. One project at a time. Or maybe two, but certainly not 40.

The other trouble is time management. After work, I have about two hours of functioning creative time a night, which isn't a lot of time to make serious progress on 40 projects. I'm thinking about taking a month where I don't do ANYTHING. No shows, no conventions, not even dinner with friends - just project work. I've had enough of the 70% hanging over my head.

If I start making announcements about a bunch of things I've finished, you'll know that my strategies are paying off.

One of my photographs was in Acting 201, a show put on by the Midwives Collective last Friday night. Each participating artist was given a line and then asked to create a photograph based on that line. My line was "It's gonna be really easy" which evoked the feeling of someone who was both powerful and overconfident. Who is both powerful and overconfident, I thought to myself, as I prepared to take the photo.

Of course, because I am me, I thought of a Supervillain.



This is Dr. Mercury. Dr. Mercury is an insane star child and chemist. She is the kind of person who would believe that a overly complex plan would be very easy, who would fight someone on a rooftop and who would have blood on her teeth.

The opening was very cool - a big crowd, lots of really cool art on the walls, and, one of the most fun parts of an art opening, we got to dress up! Jared dressed to match my hair, and I got dressed based on a dream I had. This produced some snappy outfits, if I do say so myself.

The Midwives themselves are a cool group of women. Talking to two of them after the show, it was obvious how devoted to art they are. They are committed to education, to sponsoring thought provoking work over work that might be commercially viable, to supporting local artists, young artists, female artists, and to opening up the art world to many different visions. Talking to them was refreshing in a way that surprised me. I didn't even know I was thirsty.




( Below the cut: A photo my mom took and Jared walking away dramatically )

(My mom took this picture. Also seen - Cmar, Nobilis and Jared!)

On August 7th I had my first ever solo art show. It was amazing! Constellation books is an adorable space, the kind of bookstore where you want to take a kid to help them understand how cool books are. They feature local authors and indie publishers and the kind of books that would be difficult to find in big booksellers. Lauretta, the owner, was so sweet. She is obviously dedicated to making her store a place for the community - she showcases local artists, musicians and writers, and it's clear that this bookstore is a community meeting point. It's the kind of place that brings people together.

Lauretta told me that the crowd that came out was one of the largest to ever come to one of these openings. It was great to see so many friendly faces. I was really nervous about the show but I am pleased with how the photos look on the wall. It's neat to see Blood and Sand wrapping around the walls of a room. There is something about seeing my art displayed that feels really satisfying. It's been driving me to produce more.

I hope this is just the first of many art shows. It's so neat to talk about something I work on, largely by myself, alone, in a small room. It's great to be social about art. To hear what other people see and get their impressions of my photographs. People have so many different interpretations! It's delightful. I also had fun pointing out various things in the photographs which people may have missed on first viewing - like a tiny moon in the corner, or a flash of red to the side. It was so much fun.



I didn't take many photos that night, but I did take this one of Jared. He's so handsome. I think I'm in love with him. Maybe I should ask him out on a date, or something.

One of the best things I learned during my undergraduate career was the phrase "Friend Speaks My Mind." I went to a Quaker college, and though not Quaker myself, I felt very comfortable with their philosophy. There, I learned the phrase "Friend Speaks My Mind" which is meant to be said after someone says something you agree with. But it's more than just saying "yeah, you're right." It's saying that this person is a friend, someone I respect and care about, and that what they are saying connects with what I've been thinking. It spares you from giving a monologue mirroring exactly what someone else just said, or just saying "You're right".

This is my friend, and they are speaking the truth of my own mind.

It's a phrase I wish the whole world would use.

Here, J.C. Hutchins speaks my mind about giving content away for free: http://writerunboxed.com/2009/07/30/why-giving-it-away-is-okay/

He breaks down what you could lose and what you could gain. He doesn't say it's easy or that it's always going to be successful, but he makes a simple and eloquent case for those of us who choose to give content to the world for free.

One thing he mentions that is different than the empty marketing advice that I've heard from other places is friendship. Friendship is something that isn't often discussed in promotion, but friendship is a key to success. And not simply networking, not just connections, though those are great too, but actual friendship, people who you admire and care about connecting with you and each other, using their skills to make a rising tide that lifts all boats. The people I have met though podcasting and social networking have become close friends. They've helped me promote my projects, but I've also been to birthday parties, baby showers and intimate movie nights because of the community of friends that surround me now.

I used to be around people who believed that if one person succeeded, others would fail. Now I'm with people who believe that a rising tide lifts all boats. Who believe in friendship, who believe in helping each other, teaching one another, in trade and collaboration. This community inspires me to move forward, when I might otherwise sit still.

When I was a child, and I used to whine about being too tired to go to church or the grocery store, my mother would say “If the Queen were coming over, you’d have plenty of energy!”

I’m not sure what Queen she was referring to, but it was an excellent point. There are certain people in the world that when they call, you just know adventure is forthcoming, and whatever was stressing you out, making you tired, just melts away, because pure awesome is on the horizon.

So it was for Jared and I when we were at home, making about three different kinds of soup. Yes, that’s a lot of soup. But the reasons for making soup are another story entirely. Anyway, in the middle of the simmering, Kyle Freakin’ Cassidy calls and asks us if we would like to do a photoshoot.

Of course we do.

I wouldn’t say that when Kyle says “hop”, we say “how high”. I think it’s more like when Kyle calls to us from his giant airship and says “Jared! J.R.! I need your help to rescue the princess of the Aatheiral Lands!” We will happily scramble up the proffered ladder.

So it was when he called us on Saturday. He was working on his lighting setup for WorldCon and asked if we have any costumes we would like to be photographed. When a photographer as excellent as Kyle Cassidy says “Hey, would you like a few photos.” The answer is always YES. So it was that we brought 10 costumes to Kyle’s house for an evening of photos, movie watching and great conversation with Kyle and Trillian Stars.

Kyle is an amazing photographer, and he’s going to be at WorldCon with a lighting rig shooting photos of fans for free. If you are going to be at WorldCon, DO NOT pass up this opportunity to be photographed by one of the most awesome photographers working today. This is not something you say no to. Sometimes the Queen is coming over, and you don’t even know it. In this case, I am telling you, awesome is on it’s way. If you are going to be in it’s path, take advantage of it.



I just want to say that I'm really pleased with the way my arms look here. I have been lifting weights for about three months now and I am loving the results. I've always wanted muscular arms and now they are just starting to develop. Hooray for free weights!

( Batman )

( Catwoman )

( Robin )

( Doctor Who )

( Captain Jack )

( Angel )


I did about half of the "Star Trek" costume photos wearing a blond wig, which you can see under the cut.

( Star Trek )

Today I went to the bank to get some details about my checking account ironed out. The bank I go to changed overnight from a bank with one name to a bank with another. I asked an employee about it a week ago and she said that the whole color scheme of the bank changed over the weekend – she left work on Friday working for Red Bank, and she came back on Monday working Green Bank. The whole thing had been pulled off in two days. All that remained of the red color scheme was the red cushions I was sitting on waiting for customer service.

The woman who called me for service was large, not just from side to side but also tall, with a heavy, slow, shifting gait. She wore small strappy sandals and a gold broach on her chest that was shaped like an antique phone. Did she like antique phones or is the broach representative of something else? I didn’t ask.

I proceeded with my banking business, part of which required that I give her photo ID. Now, my photo ID is actually in two parts right now since I recently married and changed my name. Currently, I carry two cards, a plastic card and a little yellow paper addendum from the state that says, basically: "Hey, this lady has changed her name, but this is still her". I feel a little bad about handing bureaucrats this card because, being a paper pusher myself, I know that handling these types of documents can be difficult – some places don’t accept them and it may add an extra layer of forms to an already form heavy job.

“I’m sorry,” I say, handing the ID over “I paid 16 dollars to get a new card, and I really thought they were going to send me a photo ID, but all they sent me was this.”

She takes the cards, her lacquered fingernails clicking against the wood desk. I am always fascinated by long, plastic nails, as I cannot imagine how I would type with them. She shakes her head at me. “You thought you would get a new card for free? Oh, girl, you have GOT to be joking.” She says, not laughing, but smiling.

At this point, I think that she misunderstood what I said, so I say it again. “No, I thought that I would get a new photo card for the 16 dollars I paid.”

She shakes her head, gold earrings swinging. “You thought, just like that,” and she snapped her fingers “something for free. Well, nothing in this world is free.”

“No, I know, I didn’t think for free I’d get. . .”

“You are such a kidder! Phew! Well, I guess you learned, hm?”

I think to myself. “I paid 16 dollars! I did not expect anything for free!” but at this point, it’s too late, and she has already made up her mind. I nod instead. “Yes, yes I guess I learned. Nothing for free.” Minutes later, she hands me my new, free, debit card.

This is what I’ve been fighting with myself about.

I’ve been telling you the truth, but I’ve been leaving out all the interesting bits. For quite some time, when I’ve written non-fiction, it goes something like this:

I went to the nice place, met some nice people there, and we had a great time.

This is true, but it’s not the most interesting parts of the story. Why leave out the most interesting parts? Because I’m a coward. I don’t want to offend, upset or worry anyone. Because focusing on what’s interesting isn’t always focusing on the positive, and I don’t want you to assume that I’m unhappy. I’m very happy. But I also don’t want to start every piece of non-fiction with “Life Is Really Good But. . .”

I want to tell the truth because the truth is fascinating. It’s wild and strange. It’s beautiful. It’s also frustrating and offensive and glorious.

I should be telling you about Frank and the guy with the stuffed animals and his really hot girlfriend. I should be telling you about the short state trooper and the guy with the green do-rag. I should be telling you about the girl without a vagina and the man who cut his face and time I saw that activist naked and the pinball machine. I should be telling you about Benny and the woman who I called Sir who nearly hit me. I should tell you about the room of candy.

I think I need to refocus on the people, rather than the events as a whole. Right now I’m giving you press releases, when I want to tell you what really happened. The thing that you would notice if you walked in the room with me that one time would be that one lady there didn’t have arms. But I don’t say that. I say that I had a nice time.

It’s hard because I don’t want to embarrass or shame anyone. But can I really tell the interesting bits of the story without risking offense? What it seems to boil down to is that I can tell the truth and risk being misunderstood or I can continue being bland and pleasant. It seems simple to put it that way, but it’s not. It’s difficult to accept that you will hurt someone, that you will offend someone. This is not to say that I want to write negative things about people and events. I don’t. I want to write about what’s awesome, and who is creating wonder in the world. Right now, I’m just leaving out the details.

There have been many times when I’ve stated a fact that’s hurt someone. Who hasn’t had that problem, even on a miniature scale – telling a friend they’ve had too much to drink, or letting someone know that they have spinach in their teeth –it’s true, but it’s hard, and afterward, you feel a little mean. Doing this with writing is going to be an art. To get good at it, I have to do it, do it often, and get it wrong. But if I never do it, I’ll never get it right. Now I just need to decide how much I want it.

There are amazing benifits to living in West Philadelphia- great access to cultural events, restaurants, public transport. I love being able to walk to work, the movie theater and my favorite resturant. Every Tuesday and Thursday morning I skip out my door to go to 6:30am yoga to teachers that know my name. Down the block, at the little market, the guy behind the counter asks me about Jared's ankle, and how Brendan is doing living in Ireland. There is a feeling of community here, but also, a great feeling of diversity and access to some amazing events and people - all within skipping distance of my doorstep.

There are also downsides of living in a highly populated area - and though I prefer to focus on the positive, this was just so weird, and off-putting that I feel I need to write about it.

Two people came to my house last night at about 8:30pm, threatened me and tried to get into my house.There was a man and a woman, both college age, blond, in blue polo shirts with their logo embroidered on the shirt and shorts. They were preppy and good looking, and immediately, I was suspicious. There was just something too friendly, too fake about them both. The guy did all the talking - he held a clipboard and told me that his company (AMP) was the supplier for my security system and did I know where my phone lines were?

I told him that I was not interested in purchasing a new security system, and that we were quite happy with what we have.

He replied that people often are happy - and at this point, he looked away from me and into my window. . .until something bad happens.

At this point, I felt threatened and annoyed.

He asked if he could see our system, if it was voice activated, if my phone lines were protected. He claimed to know details about my home security (which he obviously didn't know, because his guesses were all wrong) He wanted to come into my house and install a system "for free" and "for the advertising" in our neighborhood. Of course, all this would require that I would let him in my house.

Right. So. I asked him if he had a business card. He said no because his office had "gone green". He provided no ID at all.

I told him that if he walks around my neighborhood at 8:30pm at night with no ID, no business card and asking to get into peoples houses, asking about their security, that people would call the cops on him. At this point, both of them left with some haste.

All and all, very creepy. At the best, these salespeople have terrible business practices - threatening customers! no ID! -and at the worst, they are criminals who are attempting to enter your house. Do not open your house to these people!


Apparently, according to these sites, they really could be either one.
http://www.ripoffreport.com/reports/0/447/RipOff0447549.htm
http://www.monitronics.com/SecurityScamAlert/tabid/117/Default.aspx
http://loudounextra.washingtonpost.com/news/2009/jun/16/sheriffs-office-warns-against-door--door-sales-fra/?local

Helen E. H. Madden, like any good writer, is also a reader. She reads books and listens to podcasts. This is part of what makes her a good writer. A few weeks ago, she listened to my story "From Liquid To Glass" on Escape Pod, and then, sometime afterwards, she wrote "The Clockwork Heart" a 200 word story that has some of the same ideas in it as "From Liquid To Glass". There is, in both stories, an erotic component, a robot lover and a sense of loss.

Was Helen "stealing"?

I say no.

Ideas are cheap. Taking the time, energy and creativity to make something out of them, now, that's expensive. If I wrote a book about a magic school for kids and you wrote a book about a magic school for kids they would still be different books. This is why I can keep spinning ideas into flash fictions and sharing them on the web. If you write something inspired by someone else, you are going to do it differently than they would have. Not to mention that no matter how many ideas other people spin off into their own work, I'll always have more. I never seem to run out of them! 

Of course, using an idea is different than using the actual text, or copying a picture - but I think that taking an idea and making it your own is a fine creative endevor. If we could not do that, then the creative world would be a sad place indeed.

Helen, thank you for letting me know that my work inspired yours - you, in turn, inspired me to think about ideas and the nature of creative work. Thanks! 

Jared was in the hospital this weekend with a broken ankle. He's home now, and recovering well, and I'm sure will write a post about his experience.  He had to have surgery, some serious painkillers, and a three day hospital stay.  My experience there has reinforced  my views on gay marriage. These two things may seem, on the surface, unconnected.  After all, Jared and I are in a heterosexual relationship, what the conservatives are calling a “traditional marriage”, although we didn’t get marred in a church and there was no mention of god in the ceremony. Nor did my father trade me to another family with goats, cows or any other kind of dowry. Nor was a bit of white cloth with blood on it shown to my in-laws and priest to prove that I was a virgin on my wedding night. Many traditions went unobserved in our wedding, and yet, we are still considered married by our friends, family, employers and the government.  Yet, due to the way our genitals happen to be shaped, we are “traditional”. Hilarious.

Check it out! Not in a church! Yet still married!

When Jared broke his ankle, the EMT’s let me ride to the hospital in the ambulance, because I am his spouse, they let me give them information about Jared when he was in so much pain that it was hard to speak. While our friend Russell had to be escorted by a security guard when he visited Jared in the ER, the guard just waved me back, because I am his wife. The doctor showed me Jared’s X-rays, he let me check on him after surgery when he was in recovery, the insurance company took instructions from me, the hospital affirmed that I can make decisions for Jared if he can’t make them for himself. Though visiting hours technically ended at 9:30pm, they let me stay through the night. When Jared was feeling awful and wanted me to snuggle up with him in bed, the nursing staff thought it was adorable. The nurses looked at us and saw what we are, people who love each other, a wife that is worried about her husband and doesn’t want to leave his side, a husband who needs the comfort of his wife while he is in pain. Everyone understood who I was, why I was there, and respected our relationship.

Though all of this Jared was on pain meds and I hadn’t slept more than 4 hours in the 3 days he was in the hospital. Jared was in pain and I was exhausted. I’m not sure I would have the energy to fight to be near him, to help him, to comfort him. Perhaps, in good hospital many doctors understand and respect homosexual relationships, perhaps the six shifts of nurses and assistant nurses would have understood and respected us, maybe, maybe.

But then again, if we were both the same sex, maybe they wouldn’t have respected our out of state contract, maybe they wouldn’t have allowed me to stay with him through he night, maybe a nurse would have seen us kiss and got me thrown out, maybe on so much pain medication, Jared might not have understood some instruction about his recovery, and no one would have been there to remember for him. I saw, in our experience, how much could go wrong if people didn’t understand who I was, and the family that we are to each other.

This experience puts into sharp relief what this is all about. Legitimacy. Respect. Civil Rights. Human Rights. For me, marriage is, in part, about family. Marriage is about making a family together, not children, necessarily; a family can be a family of two, two people who have chosen each other.  Because we have the legal right to marry, we can build our own family, and families really are what our society is built on – units of people who care and provide for each other.

There are people who are distorting this debate, who say it’s about churches. It’s not. No church has to marry anyone they don’t want to. I didn’t get married in a church and guess what? No one at the hospital gave a damn. No one said “who was your priest at your wedding?” All they cared about was that legally, we were connected. That word, “spouse” carried with it the weight of legitimacy. It is unfair that some people are denied this right.

A few people have recently been saying that these rights aren’t important to talk about right now, with the economy going mad, with the U.S. embroiled in wars, with pirates and the housing crisis and all the other madness that we’re going through, that we shouldn’t be spending time on this. And you know what, they’re right. We shouldn’t be spending time on this. There are other important things to debate about, to make decisions on. The best way to end this thing is just to give people the rights they deserve. Give them the respect and legitimacy to choose their life partners, to live with dignity, to have the human right to be next to the person they love when that person needs them the most. People say it isn’t that big a deal, it isn’t that important. But when Jared was injured, there was nothing more important to me in the world than being close to him. If your family is hurt, you want, you need to be with them. With what happened this weekend, I can’t imagine denying anyone that right.


 Jared's mad dipping skills.
 

This was taken at DragonCon 2008 and looking at it makes me long for summer.

(Thank you, for modeling for me. I'm a lucky photographer)

( More Summertime )

Mike and Jerry (Alternatively known as Gabe and Tycho), creators of Penny Arcade at New York Comic Con.

Jared and I waited in line to get into their panel, and even after they told us the room was full to capacity, I stood outside, hoping to get in when someone else left. Eventually, enough people left that we could get inside, and Jared and I scooched up to the front, near the stage.

After a panel I asked if I could take their picture, and they very kindly allowed me to do so.

"Wow. You don't waste any time, do you?" said Mike as I slid on to the floor at his feet, pointing my camera upwards.

The truth is, no one has pegged my personality so quickly. I really do my best not to waste any time.

I always have to debate to myself if I should bring my camera to an event. On one hand, it's heavy, and at crowded events, no matter what great bag I have, or how protective I am, the camera gets knocked around, which is not something I want to do to my most prized possession. Still, it's worth it, for moments like this.

These men are gracious, friendly, and kind to wandering photographers. If I were to ever to have the following that Mike and Jerry have, I would hope I would have the grace to act like them.

www.penny-arcade.com

These are the kinds of stories that can only come out of a convention.

I'm walking down a hallway at Farpoint and I see a blind woman sitting in a chair, her white and red stick leaning against her legs. Standing in front of her in full white armor is a Stormtrooper. She is holding his armored arm between her hands, running her fingers over the contours of the plastic. She looks up at him and smiles. "Star Wars?" she asks.

For me, conventions are broken up into moments like this, surreal and beautiful. When I look back on a convention, what I see are these small and special scenes. A Klingon hits on me and gives me a story to tell for years, I take a photo of a laughing baby, I get a bruise on my hip that I come to love, Earl Newton and I play with our cameras to take dramatic pictures of Evo Terra, I hold hands with a boy in the dark, Mur Lafferty closes her eyes against white sheets, the Joker threatens me, we misuse the handicapped shower, Scott whispers in my ear, I am measured for my wedding dress, Jamal Igle drives me around New York, Josie spanks me in the hallway, I lay at Mike Krahulik and Jerry Holkins feet, my camera pointing upwards and Jerry says "You don't waste any time, do you?"

I really don't.

I could write ten thousand words about these moments.

One thing I like about Farpoint, as a convention, is how open they are to different ideas. The art show coordinator was pleased to work with me for my promotion, and enlisted her staff to help out. When I asked if Farpoint had considered a writing track, they asked me if I would be willing to organize it. They are a small convention that is getting larger, that is still defining itself, and I like how open and flexible it is. Right now the attendees seem to be very celebrity focuses, signing and merchandise seem to be the biggest deal, but it's still open to different ideas about what a con is and what it could be. That openness is refreshing and fun.

Thank you to Steve Wilson for inviting me and for the staff of the art show for being so helpful and kind. It's the people that draw me to these things, and the people who keep me going back.

Racialicious has an interesting article about meaningful conversations about gaming between activists and gamers:

http://www.racialicious.com/2007/10/12/moving-gaming-forward-having-meaningful-conversations-about-social-issues/

I really connect with this article. Not on this issue specifically, but on the intersection between Geek culture and Activist culture. Being that I am a speaker and panelist at conventions and a woman, I'm frequently asked to talk about or comment on the female point of view. I don't think that anyone thinks I'm speaking for women as a whole, and I wouldn't claim to, but I find that my opinions sometimes seem to baffle the very nice group of people I'm put in front of.

Concepts that have been baffling to people I've met in the past two years:

Women are not obligated to date you. Ever. You do not "deserve" a woman. (The same goes for men, no one, no matter the gender, is owed a date.)
A woman being polite to you is not leading you on.
There are sexist portrayals of women in the media.
Feminists are not all lesbians (though some are, but why should that be a problem?)
Feminists do not, in general, hate men.
Yes, I am a feminist. Yes, even though I am wearing makeup.
It's not okay to hit a woman even if you've hit women before and it's been okay.
Harassment has little attachment to what I'm wearing. (I've been harassed when the only skin showing was my face, and treated with respect while in my shiny, shiny, underpants.)
Many women like different things.

No one has fought with me about this issues, but they often seem surprised by my point of view. Surprised, in part, because many people seem to feel that sexism is over. (Hooray! Throw a parade!) The thing is, it's not over, nor is racism, nor is classism, nor many other ism's. Progress, great and wonderful progress, does not mean that an issue is dead. Not being owned as property, having the right to vote, all of this is very nice indeed, but it doesn't mean that it's all over and done with.

I understand that people want things to be over and done with. I get that. Me too. I think that most people would love for that to magically happen so that we can get on with being people, loving each other, doing fun stuff. It's a bummer to have to think about these issues when you just want to enjoy a movie, game, or other form of entertainment. But you know what is even more of a bummer? Oppression.

I spent last thanksgiving in the mountains, where I took some photos of parked vehicles. I prefer portraits, but the textures on the metal were so interesting, they were irresistible subjects.

Often, when people meet me at conventions, after following my photos for a while, they remark that I don't look at lot like I do in my photos. This is, I have to admit, totally and completely and without any doubt, on purpose. I like to transform myself when I take photos, to become a different character. So if I don't look like me when I'm in a photo, I feel I've done my job.

I believe that too often, people get stuck inside of one image of themselves or others. We get caught in our own steroytyping of ourselves or others and we cannot see the full range of what a person is, or could be. My favorite thing to do is to take a model and try to make them look drastically different from how they are usually perceived.

I enjoy transforming myself, seeing what other shapes I can fit into. I love to do this with models as well, and I have been fortunate enough to have kind and forgiving models who work with me again and again to achieve this goal.

However, I am a tremendous admirer of those photographers who are able to capture events as they really are - as they eye would see them if you were there, to show people, their personalities, their faces, exactly as you would see them in person. The photographer that can do this, and do this without hours of set up with lights and equipment, is a genius.

Kyle Cassidy is just such a genius. This weekend, Jared and I had the pleasure of accompanying him of part of the incredible adventure that he had this weekend, and I can attest to the fact that what you see on his journal, is exactly how it was. I have never seen a photo of myself that seems to me to be exactly and perfectly how I look when I see myself in the mirror, and in a few moments, Kyle Cassidy took that photo - and not just that, but he somehow also managed to capture the connection between Jared and I in his image as well. That's what we look like, every day. That's how I see myself, how I see Jared, how I see us. It's incredible to see something like that.

After taking our photo, he introduced us to Michael Swanwick and his sweet wife Maryanne who together gave this fantastic reading, after which Michael Swanwick gave another reading of the first chapter of his unpublished book - he signed a few copies and gave them out and you better believe that Jared and I grabbed one. I was so inspired by his reading that I sat down in the hallway and wrote about a thousand words of a story that has been bumping around in my head for a while but didn't have the proper lube to work it's way out.

Then Jared and I met up with a filmmaker friend, Chris, and we made each other laugh for years and we talked about ice cream and freak shows and homeschooling and what it's like to be a child genius who travels around the world playing the violin.

On Sunday I was on a lovely panel about blogs with a bunch of people who are very funny who have been friends for years. They thought I was funny and laughed at all of my terrible jokes, which is always an excellent feeling.

That evening, we got to go to Michael and Maryanne Swanwicks extraordinary house of wonders for a lovely party with very generous hosts. At this party, I got to meet Tom Purdom who is may be the nicest man in science fiction. He gave me his badge, as a gift to "a young author" which I wore for hours that night. (Apparently, at science fiction conventions, people used to trade badges at the end of the convention, attempting to "trade up". ) It is now sitting on my mantle in a place of honor. I got to hear stories about Issac Asimov from people who have met him and from a lady whose ass he once touched at an awards ceremony. I got to hear the most incredible place to have sex, which was told to me in confidence, so I cannot repeat it, but I shall say it is awesome and involves parades. Also, I got to see Hugo's up close (yes, multiple Hugos!) and it was just as awesome as I thought it would be.

For photos, and a less fangirlish description of events, as well as a photo of me that really, honest to god, looks like me, go here: http://kylecassidy.livejournal.com/466975.html

I've been trying to write science fiction for a few weeks now, but all that's coming out is fantasy. Three stories with the tentative names of: Dream Callers, Waste of Steak and Fourths, all fantasy. I blame Podcastle (http://podcastle.org/) for putting out such inspirational fiction.

Filamena Young wrote this delightful short for another photo from the same shoot as the one above: Day 363: Forbidden (http://blackwell.livejournal.com/237227.html)

I did climb into a stream barefoot in a slip in November for this shoot, which some may consider to be crazy, but I consider to be fun, which should tell you a little bit on how I live my life.

Thank you Filamena, for adding your words to my photo:

"This is where he died. Right here on the rocks. My brothers killed him and his head spilled out and joined the river." She told me with a certain kind of coldness.

"I come here every year on the day we would have gotten married. I'll take our daughter here when she's old enough to understand." Her voice broke for just a minute when she talked about Hester, like alway. Like always, she went cold again a half a beat later.

"He'll show up some day." She looked away from me down at the rocks while she explained. "He'll show up to forgive me or take me back with him."

"Did you hear something?" She looked up at me, flushed all over the cheeks and chest.

I did, I heard something and looked around.

I've been invited to speak at PhilCon this year! I'm excited to be moderating some panels and interacting with lots of cool people. Here's my schedule, in case you'll be there and you want to say hello.

Fri 9:00 PM in Plaza II (Two) (1 hour)
WHO READS SCIENCE FICTION? (60)
[Panelists: Ray Ridenour (mod), J.R. Blackwell, Andrew Breslin,
Andre Lieven]

Is there a typical science fiction reader? Have the age and other
demographics changed?


Sat 11:00 AM in Plaza V (Five) (1 hour)
POD-PEOPLE: PODCASTING AND SF (123)
[Panelists: J.R. Blackwell (mod), Stuart Jaffe, Matt Black]

What is podcasting, and why is it gaining popularity among fans?
Find out from our panel of podcasters


Sat 7:00 PM in Plaza IV (Four) (1 hour)
FREE FICTION ONLINE (120)
[Panelists: Danielle Ackley-McPhail (mod), Michael D. Pederson, J.R.
Blackwell, Nathan Lilly, Cortney Marabetta, Walter Amos]

Is it a sign of the final death throes for short fiction, or a new
beginning?


Sun 1:00 PM in Grand Ballroom A (1 hour)
SOCIAL MEDIA FOR FANDOM: THE EVOLUTION OF FACEBOOK, MYSPACE AND TWITTER
(220)
[Panelists: J.R. Blackwell (mod), Ariel Cinii, Cortney Marabetta]

Fans of all ages use cons to catch up with their friends who they
have not seen in months or years. How can these fans use social
media sites such as Facebook, Myspace, Live Journal and Twitter to
keep up to date with friends in between cons


Sun 2:00 PM in Crystal Ballroom Three (1 hour)
"WAIT 'TIL I POST THIS ON MY BLOG!" (124)
[Panelists: Terri Osborne (mod), Orenthal Hawkins, KT Pinto, J.R.
Blackwell, Jay Smith, Hugh Casey]

Blogs (Web-Logs) have become more and more part of the SF scene.
Everything from book and movie reviews, to run-downs on
conventions, to taping bacon to a cat (see Scalzi's blog...), to
what my dog had for dinner seems to show up on blogs written by
both fans and pros. So, what makes a good blog, and which ones
whould you be reading

Yesterday was my one month anniversary of my marriage to Jared Axelrod. In the month following my marriage, many friends and family have asked me how I've enjoyed married life.

Since Jared and I lived together before marriage, and since we've been eating, sleeping and buying furniture together for about five years now, little has changed in the past month. I've even been wearing the ring since Jared asked me to marry him on my birthday, which was over a year ago, so there's not even been that change now. We got a lot of really nice presents from our friends, so we have a wine rack and an espresso machine now, so that's been nice - but that's just things and not really substantive changes. For changes in our relationship, in the character of how we live, in who I am as a person, I haven't noticed any change.

That is, until about two weeks before Halloween.

See, that's when we went to Joanne Fabrics, which, when I wasn't looking (which was for about 10 years), became a craft supplies mega store. They have just about everything you need in there for your crafty project. Especially if you are making something comfortable, homey, holiday-oriented or adorable. They've got it. While waiting to get fabric cut for a costume project, Jared sent me to find foam (an element from which many of our projects are formed), in the annals of the giant store. As I walked around the store, I found an aisle filled with scented candles.

"Hmm," I said to myself, "scented candles are nice."

It's not that before I was married, I didn't like scented candles. Who doesn't like a nice scented candle? But something was different that day. Instead of simply thinking that they were a nice, I felt thrilled by the idea of burning something waxed, jarred and scented in our house.

I had to smell them all.

Then, after our business was concluded, I asked Jared to smell my favorites.

"Aren't they nice!" I said. meaning not nice but wonderful, fabulous, a perfect investment.

"Sure, he said.

"Smell this one again." I said "Sugar Pears. We should get it."

"Okay."

"It's SOOO good." I said, cradling the candle to my breast.

He smiled at me, with that lovely smile that lights up my head. "It's nice." He said, sympathetically. He could see that I was being moved by some unseen force.

"SO good." I repeated, hoping to make him understand how much better this would make our house, and indeed, our whole way of life.

And though that was the first time, it wasn't the last.

In every store with a scented candle section, I've felt drawn to smell and touch the candles, to sample melon and vanilla and lavender, cinnamon apple. I've wanted to buy so many, but I've forced myself to put them down, back to the shelf. But I want them, I really do.

So ladies, be warned. Marriage will make you love scented candles such like you never have before. Suddenly, the urge to put scented candles in all the rooms of your house will be strong within you. You'll start thinking to yourself that perhaps each room should have a scent, something that corresponds to the room. Something refreshing here, and soothing over there. You'll have to smell a lot of candles, of course, and maybe mix up your own scents? The very thought is both intriguing and appalling.

I found myself trying to justify my obsession - when we have guests, I want the house to smell nice, I think. Except our house doesn't smell bad, with two people and no pets, there's not much too smell bad. There is no fuel for bad smelling. But still, I want the candles. Within a period of a month, I now have favored scents.

Green or Sour apple is good, as is melon and the aforementioned sugar pear. Vanilla can usually be relied upon to be a good, dependable scent. Conversely, anything labeled night breeze or night winds, or some crap like that is going to smell really bad. Cinnamon apple is some kind of crap-shoot - sometimes it's a stinking pile of rotted fruit, and sometimes it's a lovely pie baked in an old fashioned farmhouse. Every time to reach for the jar of cinnamon apple, you're rolling the dice between a pile of grabage and a homecooked pie.

I used to look at candle stores and wonder how they stay in business, selling candles in the information age. Now I know. It's marriage. It makes you want scented candles in every room in your house. I want them in jars, with lids. Fancy jars that fit my decor. I don't even know what I'd call my decor, but I know I want my candles to work with it. Now I understand the candle store, they feed off this desire, they've built their business on it. They know what the modern married woman wants, and it's scented candles.

People tell you a lot is going to change when you get married. So far, I've experienced very little difference between the fun of living in sin and the fun of being married. I'm still in love and living with a wonderful man in a nice house. I have the same job and ambitions. Then the candles thing happened, and I know something is different. I'm a married woman now, and I have candles.

Today Offbeat Bride wrote about my wedding under the title "Autumn weddings = times for capes & cloaks!"

This makes me happy, because when I was planning the wedding, offbeat bride really inspired me with their positive attitude and their profiles of inspirational weddings where people did what they wanted rather than what they were "supposed" to do.

I suppose this means that I should fill out their wedding profile page submission form already!

Read the article here: http://offbeatbride.com/2008/10/capes-cloaks#referrer