J.R. Blackwell

Day 232: Time And Again

2008-07-04T21:35:51Z

Photo: Available

THE SETTING:

You were told it was going to be over in a matter of hours, but it's
been over a day and you're still stuck in the Shelter.

It was a beautiful week in the big city where you work. The weather
was seasonally pleasant, the people bustled back and forth between
work and home, and everything was working just as it always has.
Then, on Friday afternoon, loud sirens went off all around the city.
On the TV and radio, there were news reports of a giant chemical spill
on the highway. Apparently several trucks had flipped over and spilled
an unidentified hazardous substance out onto the road. Due to the
spill the air in the city has been deemed unsafe by the government.
You and your co-workers were shuttled to various locations to "Shelter
in Place". "Shelter In Place" is a term used to describe sealing
yourself in an enclosed area to wait out an emergency. You have been
given a radio, toiletries, a first aid kit and told to wait in this
location until the radio announces that the air is clean.

In the beginning of this crisis, the radio announced that this
emergency would be over within 8 hours. However, it's now been 24
hours and the radio has been repeating the same message, to remain
calm and to stay indoors. All of you who have cell phones have run out
of batteries and the radio is the only method of contact with the
outside world. You have already eaten the limited supply of granola
bars and water that you were left with, and all of you have begun to
feel hungry, restless and nervous about the continuing situation. It
is now twilight and a new message is coming over the radio waves. . .

Day 231: These Empty Spaces

2008-07-03T14:55:49Z

Day 231: These Empty Spaces

Photo: Available

This was taken after a beautiful wedding, though not at the wedding. This photo was taken at a gas station, because that's just how classy I am.

Day 230: Cradle to Grave

Photo: Available

Exposure

2008-07-02T16:33:36Z

This is done with a long exposure. I am really, really happy with how they turned out.

The blur is from movement. I would fall forward or back during the long exposure, which is why the blur lines are the way they are.

I was taught about playing with exposure like this by Earl Newton, director of the tv series, Stranger Things. We spent a night playing with cameras. It was one of the most informative nights of my artistic life, especially with regard to the technical aspects of photography.

I seem to learn the most when I meet other photographers and talk to them about photos. I learned from Katie West, Jack Scoresby, Earl Newton and Sohma Dawling. I learned by talking and sharing. I learned by doing. I learned by playing. My classroom was a hotel and a bedroom. My teachers are my friends.

Day 229: Body Fall

2008-07-01T13:21:00Z

Photo: Available

Day 227 and Day 228

2008-06-30T14:03:41Z

Day 228: J.R. Blackwell

Photo: Available

The creature lives on an island, hiding in an old society, using old magics to hide what it really looks like. The creature has seen to much not to understand that it's days are numbered. New people are flooding into it's world, and all the little tricks it used in the past won't work for much longer, and all the troubles of the past are coming back, specters and curses, traveling on the backs of the young.

It's change or die, and it's too old to change. It's going to end soon, and it's going to end in blood.

Day 227: This too will pass

Photo: Available

Talk Nerdy To Me

2008-06-28T14:55:00Z

Day 226: The Spot

Photo: Available

Yesterday at 3:00pm, I was hit in the head with an idea for a one shot experimental action/horror LARP. It is the best idea for a role-playing game that I've ever had.

It may be too experimental, too wild, too scary for some people, but damn, do I want to play it.

Day 224 and Day 225

2008-06-27T14:24:37Z

Day 225: Scoop

Photo: Available

Day 224: Better

Photo: Available

Pounding the Pavement

2008-06-26T17:03:52Z

Taken on top of my favorite parking garage.
Yes, I have a favorite parking garage.

Day 223: Engagement

2008-06-25T14:12:24Z

Photo: Available

I used to know several people who seemed to believe that there was only a limited amount of joy in the world. That when one person experienced success, it was taking success away from other people. When one person found a great partner, it was taking that great person off the market so that others couldn't enjoy them. Whenever a friend would experience some kind of good fortune, landing a great job, graduating from school, anything, these people would experience a sort of bittersweet joy, because even as their friends were doing well, it meant that success was taken away from them, or from anyone else.

I don't believe there is a limited amount of joy, or success in the world. When someone in my network, a friend, a co-worker, does well, it seems to be a rising tide that lifts my boat too. When one of my friends publishes a book, when their podcast gets popular, when they are happy and inspired, it only serves to increase my joy as well. Mur sells her book, Playing for Keeps, to Swarm press, and now my photo is on the cover of a book that's going to be widely distributed. A friend sells a story, gets picked up by a major distributor, gets a gallery showing, sells a comic book. These things aren't now off limits to me - on the contrary, now I'm better off, because I have a friend who has done them. I get to learn from them, help them, and celebrate with them.

Maybe that's why I really enjoy putting time towards my friends and their dreams. Because I get a lot of pleasure from seeing how joyful they are, because in helping them, I'm helping myself. Because joy isn't finite. Because now I'm with people who generate joy and it seems to blossom, in an eternal spring, around us all.

Day 221 and Day 222

2008-06-24T17:54:37Z

Day 222: In The Life Of

Photo: Available

It's not always intentional, when two days go together like this. I'm not always thinking Monsters and Masks and Makeup and Red and Black, oh yes, I'll do that for two days and see how it goes.

Sometimes it just happens. I often feel a little ackward about this, because part of being an artist, I feel, is being intentional about the work, understanding what you do and what it means and why it's there. I suppose that I could say that not knowing is organic, or that there will always be something about an artistic work that is in the eye of the beholder or changes with the times, but I still feel that intention is important.

I slept for four hours last night. I'm having trouble getting to sleep, stopping my mind on it's merry go round of characters and words and scenes. My imagination is playing scenes for me. I see a sixteen year old girl waltzing in a dark room with a monster, I see a farm converted to a prison. Music gets my mind rolling and it doesn't want to stop, not even to sleep.

So much to do.

Day 221: Half Blood

Photo: Available

Day 220: Teiresias

2008-06-23T13:30:38Z

Photo: Sold!

I have been working on this concept for several days, the idea of a missing body in a picture has been fascinating to me. I really think that today, I nailed exactly what I wanted out of this photo. I had a picture in my head of draped red robes, of a missing body, of the implied exposure of the body without the body visible.

The title, Teiresias, is taken from a character in a play I was in once. Teiresias is a seer. Seers are the vehicle for a message, and thus I think it is appropriate for a photo in which the body is invisible.

Jared Axelrod draped the robes in this photo and suggested that I keep the hands, which was a good instinct.

Day 219: Dot

2008-06-22T18:16:52Z

Photo: Available

Day 218: Don't Get Around Much Anymore

2008-06-20T13:57:09Z

Photo: Available

Yes, there was a time in my life, before she met you, that I fucked your girlfriend. But that time is over. Let’s face it, I haven’t fucked your girlfriend in a while. She and I, well, we had a good thing going, but she’s seriously into you now and I’ve found my life-partner and our schedules are really intense and the fucking? The fucking is just time we don’t have. I’m not going to be fucking anyone’s girlfriend for the foreseeable future. I shall fuck your girlfriend no more forever.

I was going through my clothes, looking to see what we could get rid of and I came upon this t-shirt. While appropriate for that particular time in my life, when I did fuck your girlfriend, it is no longer who I am or what I do. No, that time is over.

So I was about to throw it into the goodwill bag when I thought that if it did go to goodwill, it would probably get tossed into the bin, rather than offend the sensibilities of the good customers of the good-will. And lets face it, this t-shirt deserves to go to a nice girlfriend fucker. This t-shirt deserves to be worn. I have only had cause to wear it three times, and it deserves far more than that. It deserves a loving, girlfriend-fucking home.

If you are that girlfriend-fucking lady, or if you want a gift for that girlfriend fucking lady, shoot ten dollars my way for shipping and I’ll send it to you. It’s 100% cotton, American Apparel, size M/OS, whatever that means. I can’t send it to goodwill, knowing they’ll just make it garbage. It’s seen a few good times and I want to send it to someone who can show it some more.

Day 216: Hook and Stripe and Day 217: Experiments with Fire

2008-06-19T12:18:01Z

Photo: Available

Day 216: Hook and Stripe

Photo: Available

All The Red

2008-06-18T17:07:31Z

Day 215: Silence

Photo: Available

These two photos just seem to go together.
It's all the red, I suppose.

Day 214: Talk To Me

Photo: SOLD!

Day 213: Lady of Fire and Day 212: Untitled

2008-06-17T15:11:57Z

Day 213: Lady of Fire

Photo: SOLD!
Thanks Paul!

Day 213 was sold last week, before it even hit my blog, for 213$.

When I started this project, I really didn't know the kind of response I would get. I suspected that the photos in the under 10$ would get scooped up by friends due to the price and friendship and other nice things. I didn't suspect that my photos would keep selling steadily up into the 50$ range. I didn't expect that people I never met would buy my photos over and over again. I didn't expect to see a photo go for 86$. Then, last month, at Balticon, I sold two framed photos for 100$ each.

Then, just a few days ago, Day 213 goes. Now, admittedly, my 365 Days project is special. I'm only selling one copy of each print, so anyone that buys is getting the only one, ever. But still, I'm honored that someone feels that my photo is worth that much.

Some people have said that it might be a good idea for me to reduce my prices, to put on a sale of my 365days photos. But if I put my photos from the project on sale for 30$ a pop, I would be doing a disservice to everyone who bought one for a lot more than that, people who believe enough in what I do, who enjoy and respect me enough to put money towards something they like, that they fell is worth the amount I placed on it. I will never reduce the prices in my 365days project. They will remain at what they're at for as long as I live.

Besides, I still have photos that are available in a good price range. The cheapest photo available is 21$, but my favorite cheapest photo is 25$, and is my interpretation of Titus. It's a bit violent for most tastes though, so I don't think it's to a broad taste. My favorite unpurchased photo under 100 dollars (my buyers always seem to snatch up my favorites) is Day 78: Nude. Maybe it's just because of what I was thinking that day, or the simplicity that just seemed to work there, but I really like that photo.

My favorite so far changes from day to day. I like to look at all of them, really, because I can see, in all the things I've learned, in all the little failures and successes, I can see exactly myself grow. Even in the mistakes, especially in the mistakes. One great photo isn't possible without a crappy one. Day 47, which I love, wouldn't have happened unless I did day 46, which isn't so good.

A 365Days project, any daily project really, seems to be about training your mind and body to work when you want it to work. It seems to be about training yourself to be inspired, to create when you are tired and hungry, when you are distracted, when you are sad, when you are stressed. At first, the work you do when your stressed and upset and uninspired isn't very good. Then, over time, you learn to work when you are sick. You train yourself to do good things even when you don't feel like it, even when you'd rather be in bed. You train yourself to be quicker. You learn how to do a decent job in a dash. You learn tricks and techniques and then you are in the drivers seat. You can bring inspiration on command. You can deal with setbacks and pitfalls. You start to see compositions, or possible compositions, wherever you go. You start to see possibilities.

With my photos selling, with the ever increasing comments on my flickr page, with authors and publishers asking for book covers, I'm starting to see ever more possibilities. I don't know whats coming next, but I can tell you, the view looks good from here.

Photo: Available

Day 211: I'll Cover You

2008-06-16T13:19:34Z

Photo: Available

This is from when Katie and Jack came to visit. A few people have told me that when they look at this picture, their first thought is that Katie and Jack are under some kind of tent. Apparently it takes a few minutes to realize that the tent is me.

Katie and Jack were wonderful to help me out to do my 365 Days portrait like this. I wasn't sure they would both fit underneath me, but there they are, cute as buttons. I learned so much during their visit. Not just about photography, though that was part of it. I'm lucky to have met such strong, kind, talented people.

Going to sleep exhausted is worth it for the days I've been having.

Day 210: EXIT

2008-06-13T15:09:30Z

Photo: Available

There is always a way out.

Also, sometimes it’s good not to take things literally.

"Low Self Esteem" by Katie West

2008-06-12T14:57:36Z

In May, Katie West asked me to write an introduction for her book "Low Self Esteem". Of course, I was honored and excited that she thought of me. Katie and I are very different in our approach to self portraits, but I feel that we share a lot of the same artistic values. I was pleased that I got a chance to write about her, as she has always inspired me.

The first thing I wrote about her, year ago, when I found her through Warren Ellis, was this:

""Avolare is a thousand stories. She is a billion points of light. She is laughing at you. She is sympathetic. She doesn't know you at all. Avolare is a template, Avolare is the shadow, Avolare belongs to herself, Avolare is what you are looking for. She is a master of disguise. She is hiding nothing."

About a month ago, I started my introduction with this paragraph:

"To say Katie West is beautiful is to miss the point. Katie West is a revolution. As a self-portrait artist, Katie finds inspiration in introspection and exploration of the self. Her art is revolutionary in that she does not separate her sexual identity, or her body, from her
emotional identity."

I am as much in love with her work as I was when I first saw her photographs on Warren's blog. Katie West's new book has some never before seen stuff and from seeing the inside I can tell you that her photos look amazing in print.

Yesterday, her book is released. I urge you to check out her work and to consider buying her wonderful book. She's an artist with extraordinary vision, one that deserves support.

Hi, I'm Katie. I am either your friend, your family, or someone you met and foolishly gave your email address to, or added to your friendslist or contact list.

If you know me at all (and if you don't, what's wrong with you), you know that I am a photographer.
Well, it just so happens that I have just finished my first book of photographs, because film ain't cheap, and neither is getting married.
Oh, and I'm getting married.
And no, buying my book does not count as a wedding gift.
So, please, buy my book. It is very good, and will look great on your coffee table.
Buy it here:
www.blurb.com/bookstore/detail/267921

Thank you. And know that, if for some reason you decide not to buy my book, I will know, and you will be excommunicated from the church of Katie, if you get my drift.
And I think you do.
(secretly written by Lou)

Jack Scoresby

2008-06-11T14:14:51Z

Last weekend Jack Scoresby and Katie West came over my house for the weekend. The days were busy, wonderful, exhausting and fun. Jack is taking off to Japan soon, and Katie is back in Canada. I already miss them.

Jack is quite a character. He has a dark sense of humor, a sharp intelligence, and a worldview that is often sharply different from mine. We share a love of storytelling in our photos. He's said that his photos are lies - but I see them as stories, with characters and a narrative flow and a sense of drama. Some of them look like movie stills and others are complete stories in themselves. Being that I have a love of flash fiction, I see many of them as flashes - moments in a story that tell you everything. His photos can be epic, or just moments of a story. His work on the 365 Days project is what inspired me to do my own.

Jack has long inspired me. I admire his tenacity and the way he continually pushes himself forward. He's not a man who rests on his achievements. He is constantly in motion, pushing towards perfection, unsatisfied, hungry, brilliant.

It was a pleasure to see him again.

You can view Jacks' photos here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/jackscoresby/

Day 208: Only Make Believe and Day 209: The Old Haunts

2008-06-10T13:54:32Z

Day 209: The Old Haunts

Photo: Available

Day 208: Only Make Believe

Photo: Available

Day 206 and Day 207

2008-06-09T19:15:29Z

Day 207: Bridge Over Water

Photo: Available

I miss Katie and Jack already.

Day 206: Lines Within Walls

Photo: Available

Day of Judgment

2008-06-06T14:32:12Z

A while ago, I was asked to blog about my wedding. I’m happy to do so, but I’m afraid the results are not exactly what people are thinking of. I don’t often blog about the details of my life, so this is a bit of a departure for me.

205: If You Love Me

Photo: Available

The basics are this: On October 6th, my birthday, Jared Axelrod asked me to marry him. It was the best present I have ever received. Jared and I have known each other for nearly ten years and we’ve been dating for four. He is my best friend and lover and nothing in the world makes me happier than knowing that we plan to continue this partnership for our whole lives. My family loves him and his family loves me.

That’s the easy part. The weird part is planning the actual wedding, because with the wedding itself comes a great deal of Judgment from odd corners of our lives.

I'm a girl that's fucked girls. I've chosen art to be my career. I gave up a full time job to take photographs and write stories. I'm a burlesque girl. I've been in a freak show. Yet none of these life choices have prompted so much Judgment as any minute decisions I've made surrounding my wedding. The peanut gallery, while hesitating to speak on my same sex dating and freak show performing, feels totally comfortable talking to me about the length of my dress, my choice regarding colors and a hundred other tiny details about my wedding. Not just talking to me, but critiquing my choices, ideas, and thoughts about how my own wedding should go.

The first hint of all this was when, at my previous job, I was asked at the staff meeting about the ring on my finger. "I got engaged this weekend," I said, and there was a round of "Congratulations" followed by this question from a co-worker.

"Are you planning to change your name?" she asked

"Yes," I said "I'm going to take his name."

"Ugh!" she said, making a face. "Don't do that!"

"Oh," said another co-worker "That's coming back in vogue now, taking the mans name.

But my taking Jared Axelrods last name has nothing to do with fashion. It's that I like his last name. I love his family. I want our children to have the same last name as their mother and father. I like the way his last name sounds next to my first name. I like my family name too - but I like the idea of joining with him under a family name. Also, isn't "Axelrod' a pretty rocking last name? Things would be different if his last name was "Dickvag" but his last name sounds like a name of a rockstar or a superhero. There is nothing that has to do with fashion or current trends in weddings about my decision.

I figured that the people at work were just assholes and I let it go.

Then it got to the dress. I don’t want to wear a white dress. When I tell people this, they ask me if I’m afraid to wear white because I’m so pale. This is not the case. I look nice in white. I have an all white suit that I love and two all white dresses. But my favorite color for dresses is red. I love it dark and shiny like blood. I want to wear red on my wedding day. Not to rebel against anyone (which is another thing people assume) but because red is a beautiful color, because I love red, because it's more me than white.

I mention this offhand to people and this causes a storm of Judgement. Because of a dress. A fucking dress. It's not a dress I'm forcing anyone else to wear; it's a dress I want to wear myself. At MY wedding. My wedding where there will be no religious component. No priest, no rabbi - nothing. My immediate family and many members of my extended family - haven't been to church in over a decade and do not identify with any religious order. This is also true of Jared's close family. In other words, in our close families, there is no religious judge or community who would feel my attire to be inappropriate.

Any decision I make seems to meet with judgment. The length of my skirt, the choice of color, the fact that I don't want to wear heels. I'm a tall girl! I don't have to wear heels if I don't want to! If I want to wear combat boots to my wedding or go barefoot, I goddamn well will! Because that's me! I'm not going to pretend to be a princess in a castle when that's not who I am. I'm not a castle princess. I'm the kind of princess with duel black swords. The one that you put the name "warrior" behind. The kind that wears combat boots.

Where we're having it, when we're having it, the cake, the flowers, the tiniest things seem to get Judgment. I guess that's why I'm reticent to talk about it. I'm tired of hearing what I "have" to have, or what my dress length "needs" to be. If I want to wear a dress that's going to drag on the sand when I walk to my groom and get a little "gasp!" sandy, then that's what I'll god damn well do. If I am going to just buy some loose flowers and tie them with a ribbon and not spend hundreds of dollars on a bouquet - or have a bouquet of metal flowers, then that's what I'm going to do!

If I want my bridesmaids to wear black because I like black dresses even though black isn't a "wedding color" and because then they can wear them someplace else rather than hating them forever for being eggshell blue, then that is what I'm going to fucking goddamn well do.

My Aunt was talking to a friend of hers and told her that I was getting married.

“Oh,” her friend asked “what are they doing for the wedding?”

My Aunt told her that Jared and I were taking care of things ourselves.

“But don’t you care about your niece?” asked her friend. The very assumption that a relative doesn’t care because they don’t know the details of our wedding is itself insulting. The second insult is that two adults cannot plan a party for friends and family without relatives taking over.

All my life, I've been weird. I'm different. I know it. I like things that are out of the mainstream. I enjoy weird, radical, creative, loving people. All of my friends know this. All of my relatives know this. I'm not sure why, now, with my wedding, people suddenly expect me to conform to certain societal standards. As if during high school, college and beyond, I've been myself and most of mainstream culture wouldn't jive with it, but now, suddenly, because I'm getting married and having a party where all of my friends will come, I will suddenly care about what others may think. Jared and I have always been dancing to our own songs. That won’t change because we’re having a wedding. It won’t change when we have children and it won’t change when we get old. We’re going to do life our way, together.

Day 204: Off Site

Photo: Available

Day 203: Released

2008-06-05T16:03:53Z

Day 203: Released

Photo: Available

Photo taken at the Philadelphia Museum of Art

Yes, today my mood is Dragon. I think that some of you, and I won't say any names here, know why.

Goddamned lying Dragon. Goddamned lying Necromancer. *Goddamned Hill Giant.

*Note: The hill giant never lied.