Occasionally a person my age or younger will tell me that it’s too late to follow their dreams. They got a degree that doesn’t fit anymore or they are in a job they hate or they just think they are too old to change.

Foolishness.

Whenever I hear something like that. I like to tell people about my father. My father retired five years ago and decided that it was time to start thinking about taking up singing. He had sung in high school, college and in the church choir but now, at the age of 60, he considered what it might take to do it professionally.

He studied under several instructors, took workshops, joined about four choirs, and soon he was doing paid work. He then auditioned for the Philadelphia Singers Chorale, the group that sings with the Philadelphia Orchestra, one of the best musical groups on the planet, and made the cut into the choir.

Then, last year, he performed at Carnegie Hall. The New York Times gave this review:

The finale also benefited from the robust sound of the Philadelphia Singers Chorale, which chimed in heftily and solidly and joined Mr. Eschenbach’s players in making Mahler’s final pages — a setting of Friedrich Klopstock’s poem of spiritual resurrection — soar off the page.
-New York Times, May 10th 2007

In five years, my father went from high school biology teacher to soaring at Carnegie Hall. He is my foundation and my inspiration.

This is a video of him singing at St. Francis in Assisi. He opens the Ave Maria. Enjoy.

Photo: Available

Yesterday was devoted to writing. Between Jared and I of us we probably wrote about five thousand words and cut about two thousand. It's nice to be able to write with someone who you can stop and read lines of dialog too, and who can seduce you with beautiful descriptions. It was a wonderful nine to five sort of day, writing and editing, breaking for lunch and then writing again. At the end, we both had stories we liked.

I'm so used to squeezing writing in between the paycheck job and photo appointments and other obligations. To take a full day and just write was a pleasure. One I hope we can make time for again.

This photo is an example of me pushing myself with regards to my photoshop skills. In the past, I have largely avoided the use of photoshop in my photos - not for any reason of snobbery, but because my skills have been such that using too much of the tool would make the photo look "shopped" and would. . .well, I'm not sure how to say it. In writing, I would say that the technique would "take readers out of the story", but I'm uncertain of how to say this for a more visual art. Rather than observing an image to be what was portrayed, viewers would see the image as a product of photoshop. I would rather you see the Inferno of Hell than a computer program.

I've taken this 365days project as an opportunity to challenge myself on a variety of skills. I'm including photoshop in that challenge, since it is such an essential tool for many photographers. I feel that I've improved from the start of the project, largely due to the intervention of those with far finer skills than myself, and by watching tutorials on the internet. I believe I used to use about 30$ worth of photoshop. Now, I am proud to say, that number may have well reached 50$ or even 60$. I'm not sure when I'll reach full price. I'm sure that when I do, you'll be able to see it.

A while ago, I was asked to blog about my wedding. I’m happy to do so, but I’m afraid the results are not exactly what people are thinking of. I don’t often blog about the details of my life, so this is a bit of a departure for me.

205: If You Love Me

Photo: Available

The basics are this: On October 6th, my birthday, Jared Axelrod asked me to marry him. It was the best present I have ever received. Jared and I have known each other for nearly ten years and we’ve been dating for four. He is my best friend and lover and nothing in the world makes me happier than knowing that we plan to continue this partnership for our whole lives. My family loves him and his family loves me.

That’s the easy part. The weird part is planning the actual wedding, because with the wedding itself comes a great deal of Judgment from odd corners of our lives.

I'm a girl that's fucked girls. I've chosen art to be my career. I gave up a full time job to take photographs and write stories. I'm a burlesque girl. I've been in a freak show. Yet none of these life choices have prompted so much Judgment as any minute decisions I've made surrounding my wedding. The peanut gallery, while hesitating to speak on my same sex dating and freak show performing, feels totally comfortable talking to me about the length of my dress, my choice regarding colors and a hundred other tiny details about my wedding. Not just talking to me, but critiquing my choices, ideas, and thoughts about how my own wedding should go.

The first hint of all this was when, at my previous job, I was asked at the staff meeting about the ring on my finger. "I got engaged this weekend," I said, and there was a round of "Congratulations" followed by this question from a co-worker.

"Are you planning to change your name?" she asked

"Yes," I said "I'm going to take his name."

"Ugh!" she said, making a face. "Don't do that!"

"Oh," said another co-worker "That's coming back in vogue now, taking the mans name.

But my taking Jared Axelrods last name has nothing to do with fashion. It's that I like his last name. I love his family. I want our children to have the same last name as their mother and father. I like the way his last name sounds next to my first name. I like my family name too - but I like the idea of joining with him under a family name. Also, isn't "Axelrod' a pretty rocking last name? Things would be different if his last name was "Dickvag" but his last name sounds like a name of a rockstar or a superhero. There is nothing that has to do with fashion or current trends in weddings about my decision.

I figured that the people at work were just assholes and I let it go.

Then it got to the dress. I don’t want to wear a white dress. When I tell people this, they ask me if I’m afraid to wear white because I’m so pale. This is not the case. I look nice in white. I have an all white suit that I love and two all white dresses. But my favorite color for dresses is red. I love it dark and shiny like blood. I want to wear red on my wedding day. Not to rebel against anyone (which is another thing people assume) but because red is a beautiful color, because I love red, because it's more me than white.

I mention this offhand to people and this causes a storm of Judgement. Because of a dress. A fucking dress. It's not a dress I'm forcing anyone else to wear; it's a dress I want to wear myself. At MY wedding. My wedding where there will be no religious component. No priest, no rabbi - nothing. My immediate family and many members of my extended family - haven't been to church in over a decade and do not identify with any religious order. This is also true of Jared's close family. In other words, in our close families, there is no religious judge or community who would feel my attire to be inappropriate.

Any decision I make seems to meet with judgment. The length of my skirt, the choice of color, the fact that I don't want to wear heels. I'm a tall girl! I don't have to wear heels if I don't want to! If I want to wear combat boots to my wedding or go barefoot, I goddamn well will! Because that's me! I'm not going to pretend to be a princess in a castle when that's not who I am. I'm not a castle princess. I'm the kind of princess with duel black swords. The one that you put the name "warrior" behind. The kind that wears combat boots.

Where we're having it, when we're having it, the cake, the flowers, the tiniest things seem to get Judgment. I guess that's why I'm reticent to talk about it. I'm tired of hearing what I "have" to have, or what my dress length "needs" to be. If I want to wear a dress that's going to drag on the sand when I walk to my groom and get a little "gasp!" sandy, then that's what I'll god damn well do. If I am going to just buy some loose flowers and tie them with a ribbon and not spend hundreds of dollars on a bouquet - or have a bouquet of metal flowers, then that's what I'm going to do!

If I want my bridesmaids to wear black because I like black dresses even though black isn't a "wedding color" and because then they can wear them someplace else rather than hating them forever for being eggshell blue, then that is what I'm going to fucking goddamn well do.

My Aunt was talking to a friend of hers and told her that I was getting married.

“Oh,” her friend asked “what are they doing for the wedding?”

My Aunt told her that Jared and I were taking care of things ourselves.

“But don’t you care about your niece?” asked her friend. The very assumption that a relative doesn’t care because they don’t know the details of our wedding is itself insulting. The second insult is that two adults cannot plan a party for friends and family without relatives taking over.

All my life, I've been weird. I'm different. I know it. I like things that are out of the mainstream. I enjoy weird, radical, creative, loving people. All of my friends know this. All of my relatives know this. I'm not sure why, now, with my wedding, people suddenly expect me to conform to certain societal standards. As if during high school, college and beyond, I've been myself and most of mainstream culture wouldn't jive with it, but now, suddenly, because I'm getting married and having a party where all of my friends will come, I will suddenly care about what others may think. Jared and I have always been dancing to our own songs. That won’t change because we’re having a wedding. It won’t change when we have children and it won’t change when we get old. We’re going to do life our way, together.


( Day 204: Off Site )

Day 98: The Last Podcaster Gathering

I took this picture, but Jared posed people. He did The Last Supper from memory. From memory! If you check out The Last Supper, you have to admit that it's pretty much on the money. I'm impressed.

The last couple weekends have been amazing. What The Hell Con, Farpoint - it's been like coming home. I got to see so many friends, old and new. I got to take about a thousand pictures, most of them of friends. It's been wonderful. I'm not sure I can explain what these people mean to me, except that they inspire me, support me and delight me. I'm lucky to have them in my life.


( Day 97: Physical Forces )

Photo: SOLD! Thanks Devin!


Every artist is aware of the fact that the viewer or consumer of the art affects the perception of the art. Perhaps some sort of divine power is able to perceive art objectively, but for the rest of us mortals, we all come at it from our own unique perspectives carrying our own history and preferences and sense of beauty and symbolism along with us. I'm totally aware of this fact. What I wasn't aware of was the extent to which the viewer could change the piece in their own mind.

Looking at the picture above, I understand that you might think that the emotion is content, or sad or maybe depressed or angry or pleased. I didn't imagine that a rational person would imagine, say, breasts onto the picture and actually perceive the presence of nipples. Perhaps you might think it was sensual, or erotic, or to your particular taste, or not to your taste, but I wouldn't imagine that any person in touch with reality would imagine that the picture was a nude.

That's where I was wrong. Apparently, that is precisely what is going on.

Over the past year, some people have commented about the sensuality or erotic content of my photos. I understand that my photos could be seen as sensual, that is one of the themes I like to play with. Anyway, there are people who perceive ear wax as sensual, so I consider that anyone may find anything erotic. As I asked people about what exactly they found erotic about my photos, I found that some of them felt they were not just erotic, but explicit. I was told on several occasions that people felt that my photos were explict, that I was brave for putting such exposed photos of myself on the internet, that they liked what I was doing with my erotic portraits. People began to tell me that my nudes were interesting. Or that they felt that showing my tits on the Internet was inappropriate, or that they appreciated the photos I posted of tits.

All this is fine, except that I don't show any tit on the Internet. In my entire flickr collection, 895 photos, there is one nude. That's right, just one. And it's not me. It's a photo of a beautiful pregant woman in the first term of her pregancy. It does not show any bush or tit. There is nothing in the photo that you couldn't see on any beach in the summer. In fact, there is nothing in any of my photos that you couldn't see on any beach. Cleavage, male tits, bare backs, exposed legs - you can certainly see ankles if you want to, but no female tits, no dick, not even butt crack. Among my other photographer friends, I'm somewhat of a prude.

I respect and adore the photographers I know that do nudes, especially self portrait artists. If I felt the desire to explore nudes, inspired by these fantastic people, I would. However, I don't feel any need to explore that in my work, nor to share it with others. It's not part of the story I want to tell at the moment. What I'm very interested in is transformation, the way people can change in the context of certain scenes. I'm much more interested in clothes, costumes and makeup than in the themes around nudity. But this isn't the point. The point is that even though I'm not doing nudes, people are still imagining titties onto my photos.

One model who posed for me told me that she was concerned that I would expect her to do nudes from what she's seen of my work. I assured her that there was no pressure to do anything she wasn't comfortable with. Then I talked to her about the total lack of nudes in my portfolio. We had a great talk about it, why people might see explicit photos where there weren't any, and what might influence this perception.

But the lack of nipples in my online portfolio doesn't seem to discourage anyones thoughts that they might be in there somewhere. I am often friended by porn collectors on my online social networks. I think they've friended me in the hope that I will eventually give in and produce nudes. Unfortunately for them, that's just not the case. Not this essay, not my photos, nothing will be able to stop the perception of nakedness. I suppose I could be upset about this, throw a fit, ask people to look at my photos differently, try to force people to see what I want them to see. But that's not the point. If people want to see nudity, they will. I've learned a valuable lesson. I thought that there were limits to how a viewer might see a piece, that people might look at a photo and maybe think it's happy or sad, but they wouldn't dispute that blue is blue or red is red or if the photo was a nude. I've learned that perceptions can extend as far as the viewers imagination, and that art, taken as a collection, can generate a collected impression of the art and the artist. It's a good lesson, one I needed to learn.

I traveled to the mountains and back again.

There is something about having (future) in-laws that I can't complain about that is really wonderful. No one is crazy, judgmental, accusatory or picky. All of my (future) in-laws are beautiful people. I love them. My family loves Jared and Jared's family loves me.

In fiction, this would be the part of the story where one of us gets hit with a Mack Truck.

Fortunately, this is not fiction. This is my life. A life built in a network of people that I love. Jared, our families, our friends, our Tribe. Working freelance, doing what I love, being with the people I love, this is the best time of my life. Right now. This moment and every moment I see on my horizon.





Day Forty Two: Mirror, Mirror

( Day Forty Three Through Forty Six )

Photo: Available

Yesterday my friend Nobilis (http://www.freewebs.com/nobiliserotica/)sent me a message to tell me that I am one of the runners up for Violet Blue’s (award-winning author, blogger) Top Ten Geeks of 2007.

http://www.tinynibbles.com/blogarchives/2007/12/top_ten_sexy_geeks_2007_1.html

Nobilis, who is a writer and podcaster in his own right, had nominated me. It just reminded me how much I feel loved and supported by the good people around me. I feel so lucky to know the people in my life right now.

My 365days project has been going very well. Of the 40 photos I've taken 28 have sold. More than that, I feel like I've been learning and pushing myself every day. I’ve gotten so much support and encouragement for this project from so many friends that I adore and so many artists that I respect.

These past few months have been some of the best of my entire life. There are so many people who have made it this way, Mom and Dad and John who have really been very supportive of me taking a jump into doing photography and writing full time, and all of my wonderful friends.

Thank you Jack (inspiration), Katie (muse), Mur (my podsister), Pat (for the genius), J.C., Tee, Mena (thank you so much for talking to me and being my wisewoman), Jessica M (for the positive energy), Nobilis, Earl, Daniel, Dan, Brendan (for always being the person who says yes), Simone, Josie (for pointing out the obvious when I need to hear it), Scott, Matt, Sohma, Skott (freaks rule!), Jarrod, Paul, Derek, Talisha (congratulations on finishing school!), Chris, Russell, Jenn (for all the advice about freelancing and making me feel included and loved), Christy, Donald, Darren, Rahel, Bradley, David, Susan, Andrea (the hair advice was invaluable!), Kathleen, Annie, Devin, Stephen, Steven, Paul and Martha (thank you for saying such nice things, it lifted me up), Holly, Candy (my new beautiful boss), the entire Tribe (I love you! Lets all move in together!) and to Jared, my partner in all things, Thank You.


Below the cut are links to the photos that have yet to be sold. Feel free to browse. The cheapest is 15$ and the most expensive is 39$.

( Photos Still For Sale! )

Whenever someone friends me on a social network, I go check out their page to see who they are. Most of the time, these people have awful photos of themselves on their site. These are photos where we can see nose hairs, neck fat, red eye, flash flare. Or they represent themselves with a picture of a cartoon or a photo of a celebrity. When I see this, I feel as if some giant hand is pushing me towards action.

I can help. I want to be the internet’s photographer.

If you are reading this, it’s likely that you have some kind of internet presence – a livejournal, a myspace page, facebook, whatever. It’s becoming more and more likely that you will meet people using social networks. For a lot of people your icon, or the photos of you on your site will be their first impression of you. Some people will never meet you in person. Why not make your first and only impression a good one?

Lots of people bad photos of themselves on the internet. Some of these people own internet companies, sell-stuff online, or are promoting themselves using social networking. If you’re are using the internet for promotion, dating sites, or just keeping up with friends, it’s helpful to have photo that expresses your personality and shows you at your best.

Embarrassed with the way you look in photographs? Think it would be impossible to get a good one? I understand the feeling. I was embarrassed with the way I looked in photographs before I started taking them myself. In every single family photo, in every snapshot, I looked awful. Then I picked up the camera myself. I learned how to make myself, and other people, look great on camera. It can be done. Now I’ve helped lots of people to like the way they look. Quite a few people who’ve modeled for me say that they’ve never liked themselves in pictures before.

I’m opening for business in January 2008, with the new year. I’ll be available nights and weekends and weekdays if you can book me more than two weeks in advance.

The whole shoot only costs you 90 dollars. That’s a consultation on your photos, what you want and what will work for you, three hours of shoot time, and a CD burned with your photos at a size large enough to make big prints out of. You will get to use my awesome collection of accessories and props for the shoot. 10$ extra gets you full makeup, done by me or one of my awesome makeup artists.

At the end of this, you won’t be walking away with just good photos, you’ll have the experience of posing in front of a camera, a better idea of what makes you look good, and a fun experience!

If you are in the Philadelphia area, you can come to my studio. I travel to New York, Baltimore, the North Carolina triangle area and Atlanta and I’m happy to take bookings there if you can provide a space or don’t mind shooting outside.

You can contact me via e-mail at jrblackwell at gmail dot com.





Here is a selection of portraits I've taken of various people. As you may notice, I love doing everything from conventional portraits to casual to fantasy/drama. I am open and friendly to work with all kinds of people, men, women, children, transgendered people, people of color, gay couples, straight couples, poly-groups, geeks and freaks. I'm happy to discuss your needs and ideas with you.

My portraits have been used for headshots, CD covers, book covers, newssites, myspace pages, internet dating sites and icons. Model references can be provided on request.

You can book me for a shoot by e-mailing me at jrblackwell at gmail dot com.

This Friday, December 14th, I am performing with the Hellcat Girls at the TROC. If you are int he Philadelphia area, come out and see me! I'm a new Hellcat Girl, which means they are all calling me a Kitten right now. I like being a kitten! It makes me feel cute.

I'll be doing my contortion thing as The Plastic Elastic Kitty. I even have a new move! I call it the upside-down doughnut.

Come and see me. Seriously, what else will you be doing on this Friday night.

Okay, now I just really want to know what everyone will be doing this Friday. Tell me. Even if it's not seeing me onstage at the Troc, I wanna know.

The former Dominatrix leaned down from her high heels and said “So you’re the contortionist?”

“Yes!” I say, trying to be enthusiastic. I want these people to like me. As someone who is a freak, I feel I have to try extra hard, even when I’m with other freaks

“Are you into fetish stuff?” she asks

“Sure!” I say. I am, sort of. See, for me, “fetish” covers a huge range of things, everything from fashion to fucking latex vagina’s implanted in plastic feet. What I’m getting at here, is that it’s a range of activities. When in doubt, I always say yes. I use this rule with almost every activity in my life. When in doubt, my answer is yes.

“Because I’m into rope binding.” She says. “And I would love to work with a contortionist.”

I realize I have finally met The One. Ever since I’ve started contorting I’ve bumped into assholes who imply that there must be freaky stuff going on in my bed. My significant others have always gotten a lot of winks and nudges as if anyone besides my fiancée has ever even tried to do anything interesting with me. These guys seem to imply that if they got me into bed, it sure would be a lot of kinky fun. I am certain that these assholes would have no idea what to do with me besides slobber and try to have sex in the missionary position. This woman though, Athena, former dominatrix, current MC of the Hellcat girls, she sized me up in two minutes and seemed to have about a billion ideas on what to do with me. That was exciting, to have someone look at you with a creative hunger.

I arrived at the empty club at around 7pm. My performance didn’t take place until about 11pm. By that time, the place was full, but not packed, if that makes any sense. There was room to move around but not without brushing arms with other people. There were clowns and a show with ukes and, of course, the Hellcat Girls.

This was my first night performing with the Hellcat Girls. I’ve seen them before and I was impressed with their performance, so when the opportunity came up to join up, I jumped at it. Candy Mayhem (my new boss) calls me a Hellcat Kitten, due to my new status to the group.

My act went well. Unfortunately, since a lot of what I do is on the floor, it was hard for people to see me where I was. However, those that did see me, seemed to love it. I got a lot of positive feedback after the show. My costume is problematic though. I need a costume I won’t fall out of that doesn’t hinder movement. Since I’m a contortionist, that movement is pretty extensive, which means that the only costume I can really do is a one-piece jumpsuit of some kind. Bikini’s fall off. Corsets hinder movement. Skirts flip up. Shirts come untucked. Believe me, I’ve tried different options. I always come back to the one-piece jumpsuit. Most outfits, like most lovers, just can’t handle me. I need something strong and flexible that won’t fall off. It’s the same issue with my hair. Any cute style I try will be destroyed when I stand on my head or am pressing myself to the floor.

Candy suggested having a walk-around outfit and then changing into my contortion stuff. This, I think, is a good compromise. It means I can wear cute burlesque girl outfits and contort, though not at the same time.

After the performance, at 12am, I went into the photo booth at the Barbary and took these photos. They have a photo booth on site! I couldn’t resist that.





This is just a scan. You can purchase the original, one and only print of this photo strip for thirty dollars. If you buy them, I’ll send them to you with a handwritten note about my first night performing with the Hellcat Girls.

I’m performing again this Friday, the 14th at the Troc. If any of you don’t know, The Troc is like, THE venue in Philadelphia. I am so excited. I’m going to be performing at The Troc! Hot damn!


The girls, were sexy and fun and funny and very, very nice. They made me feel welcome into the group right away. Thank you Mur and CMAR! and J.C. and Earl and Tee and Jenn everyone who sent well-wishes. Thank you to Jared, for everything.

You can check out the Hellcat Girls here: http://www.hellcatgirls.com/

Twice Dead, the new novel by Filamena Young, is chocolate. It’s chocolate in bright, attractive pulp packaging with a sweet and silky center. It’s the kind of chocolate people refer to as “naughty” or use the word “devil” in describing. It’s a noir detective story, with a detective who could have stepped out of Chinatown, sexy dames both naughty and nice, a mystery and action that keeps the pages turning. It’s fun. It’s delicious.

For the times when you’re fed up with eating literary tofu and cabbage, you have a novel like Twice Dead waiting for you. Sweet escape, a decadent and fun romp through a literary trope.

It’s written by Filamena Young, who, if you’re not fortunate enough to know personally, may be familiar from the fun we’ve had when she’s modeled for me.



Hot, yes I know. She's as clever as she is beautiful.

You can buy Filamena’s novel at her website: www.filamena.com

She’s published via Lulu, which is brilliant. Lulu is full of good people and the books they print are high quality.

It's Day One for me.

Day One of 365 Days, the photo project.

Day One of going to Yoga five times a week.

Day One of going freelance full time.

My first day. I feel free.

Print: SOLD!

( Buy This Print For One Dollar )

This first chapter of Playing for Keeps, Mur Laffertys new novel, is live at her website: "http://www.playingforkeepsnovel.com/"

I took the cover photo for her novel, which is a great honor, because I love her work.

Thank you to everyone who had suggestions for me on photographing beer. As you might notice, I took many of your suggestions, much to my benefit. Thanks.

While playing it safe has it’s obvious advantages, taking risks seems to be the method for accomplishing great things. Of course, the risk should be calculated, should come along with experience, talent and knowledge, but it seems to me that taking risks is the path to achievement.

I’m quitting my safe, steady, toxic pink collar employment with the glass ceiling and I’m going to go freelance, at least, for a little while. It came to me that I unlike many other careers, I can always re-enter the work-force right where I left it, at the bottom of the college-educated entry level jobs.

Creative people often encourage newbie’s not to leave their day-jobs, but for me, there really isn’t a loss in doing so. I leave a day job that I can find a comprobable position to by stepping into a temp agency and flashing my 3.8 GPA. My career, such as it is, does not exist in the 9-5 working world. I am ignoring my true career in the arts by staying here.

Whatever energy I put into my creative work pays off. Sometimes it’s money, sometimes it’s recognition, but whatever I do seems to move me forward. This is wonderful, considering I haven’t actually been able to put too much energy towards my creative career recently. I think it’s time I give the things I love a chance.

I’ve already turned in my resignation letter. I’ve stayed on till the 9th of November so that I can get my flu shot on the cheap, but after that, I’m cut loose. I’ve attached myself to a temp agency as a backup, but I get my paid vacation days when I quit, and I’m in a farm share so food will be covered for the next six months, so I should be fine for a while. Food, some cash, low rent, youth, energy, education, motivation. Now is the time to take a risk. I can always return to where I am now, but I cannot forgive myself if I don’t try.

I am ready. I am ready.

This is a test-shot for a project I'm working on. I have some very specific ideas on how the final shot should look. I'm not just trying to take a photo of a beer glass at a bar, I want it to have a warm, inviting feel. The photo should make you want to pick up the glass. I should look at some ads.

Nevermind the hundred other problems this shot has, the main issue I'm having is that the light is far too cold. I want to have a warm, almost gold feel to the shot. Any ideas on how to make my next round of photos warmer?

Ever since we’ve announced our engagement, people have been asking if I’m pregnant.

Sometimes they ask in a subtle fashion, like this:

“Any reason why now?”

Sometimes they just come out and say it:

“Are you pregnant?”

Or

“Is there a baby in your future?”

I suppose this is a reasonable question – two people that live together and love each other very much decide to get married – maybe one of them is pregnant, right?

I asked a friend if she got this question when she got engaged. She said she did not. Instead, she told me, people asked her if she was dying. Pregnant or Dying, the world wants to know.

( The Answer )

Photo by Ryan Roman

Whenever Jared asked me what I wanted for my birthday I said "All I want is you" or some variation thereof. I would say I wanted snuggles from him, or to sleep in with him, or to spend the day with him, or other, far naughtier suggestions.

Therefore it shouldn't have come as much of a surprise to me that Jared gave me what I wished for my birthday, we slept in, we spent the day together and then he gave me the best thing of all, he promised to spend the rest of his life with me.

He led me to a little bench in a grove of trees and opened up a little heart shaped box and asked me to marry him. I couldn't stop hugging him and kissing his face and saying "Of course, of course," and "Yes, yes, yes"

For those of you who don't know the whole story, I moved in next to Jared on my first day of my freshman year of college. We've known each other for nine years. We've lived together for four years. We've been romantically involved for three years. Nothing makes me happier than the thought of spending the rest of my life with my best friend. Every year with Jared is an adventure, each adventure more exciting than the last. There is no one who I enjoy supporting more than Jared. There is no one I trust to have my back more than him.

People who meet us often ask how long we have been dating, assuming that we are basking in the light of a new relationship. Jared is my dream man. I've longed for him, I've wanted him, I've loved him for so long that having him loving him, never, ever gets old. I smile when I see him walking towards me down the street. I smile every single time. Sometimes I feel very grumpy and I think that there is no way that seeing him can make me smile. Then he walks into view and I'm smiling again.

When I tell people the story of my life there always comes a point when they cease to believe me. At some point, my life becomes unbelievable. I’m not sure where they start to cease believing, but I think it’s somewhere around the Freak Show.

Published author, starting a non-profit, photographer, people will buy all this. Making puppets, former pro singer and you start to lose people. Then you tell them that you are a contortionist in a freak show and people think that you are fucking with them. I am not fucking with you. This is what I do. This, and a whole lot of trespassing.

Projects I am currently involved with:

Work http://www.icaphila.org/
365 Tomorrows www.365tomorrows.com
Photos http://www.flickr.com/photos/jrblackwell/
Public Words: http://www.publicwords.org/
Voices of Tomorrow http://voicesoftomorrow.libsyn.com/
The Zoo Crew http://thezoocrew.info/
Aliens You Will Meet: http://aliensyouwillmeet.libsyn.com/

This week Jack Scoresby is coming over my house. Having just come from an excellent photoshoot with Katie West Jack seems to be in top form. We are going to cause trouble, and hopefully do a little bit of trespassing.

I don’t always remember my dreams, but often, when I do, they are kickass adventure movies. Two nights ago I had such a dream and when I woke up I had the urge to make it into a story. I mulled it over for a day, figured out a structure, a beginning and a middle and got rolling. First day I popped out about five hundred words, second day kept writing past a thousand and now this thing looks like it’s going to be a novella. Sort of a 7 Samurai crossed with Space Opera crossed with the Rocco Period crossed with a Gay Parade.

It’s nice to be writing for myself again.

PUBLIC WORDS: TUESDAY JULY 3rd!




We're starting a non-profit!

Public Words, an organization dedicated to preserving the literary heritage of our culture, is proud to present our first reading and recording in Philadelphia.

In collaboration with Bindlestiff Books (4530 Baltimore Ave, Philadelphia Pa 19143) Public Words will be holding a free reading of works in the public domain at 8:00pm on July 3rd. By holding free readings of works in the public domain, Public Words hopes to share the work that is owned by the public as a part of our literary heritage. Our readings will be recorded and released via podcast, where they will be free to download.

Readers include George Hrab of the Philadelphia Funk Authority and Richard Kalwaic of The Philadelphia Singers.

Bindlestiff Books: http://www.bindlestiffbooks.com/
George Hrab: http://www.geologicrecords.net/
The Philadelphia Funk Authority: http://www.phillyfunk.com/
The Philadelphia Singers: http://www.philadelphiasingers.org/

When: JULY 3rd, 8:00pm
Where: Bindlestiff Books (4530 Baltimore Ave, Philadelphia Pa 19143)
Who: Public Words, George Hrab and Richard Kalwaic
Cost: FREE!

You can hear a recording of our first reading at Balticon on our website: www.publicwords.org

For more information about Public Words please contact publicwords@gmail.com